Am I stuck in Arambol, India?

Interesting times we are currently living. I don’t know if we fell into a dystopian parallel universe or what happened, but for the moment, it seems that myself along with many other travelers around the world, are currently truly getting to know the meaning of surrendering.

When I first heard of the corona virus, I didn’t think much of it because I figured it is just another thing blown up by the media and it would soon be over. I even thought a friend of mine I met in Rishikesh was exaggerating by posting videos telling us to take this seriously and to fly home. I expected the virus to spread around, but I surely didn’t expect what is currently happening. It feels sudden, but perhaps it wasn’t, and my perception of time is off. I am feeling very fuzzy. Like if my reality is blurry. Looking back, I guess I could have acted sooner. There were signs, but nothing enough to make me feel like I should actually return to Canada.

Today, I was sure I was returning to Canada in just a few days. There was no way that something would happen between now and 2 days! I was actually mourning the fact that I was leaving India so suddenly and thinking of how I should really soak in my last days.

I was hesitant to even book a flight back to Canada, because I didn’t want to return home… and I was worried about the traveling itself, since I knew there was a chance of cancellations and getting stuck somewhere. But it had been almost one week that I had this bad feeling in my stomach so when my mom reached out and offered to fly me home, I reluctantly said okay. At this point I was hearing about many borders around the world closing… and there was talk about even the borders of the states in India closing, which actually now is true, apparently! (I haven’t been looking at the news much, only hearing what everyone tells me, which sometimes can be a rumor.)

Many of us down here had planned to head North as its getting really hot here and the season is ending (many shops and restaurants close), but now all of us are still here. Many people have had to get visa extensions, or just overstay their visa because of flight cancellations and general unwillingness of Europeans to return to their quarantined countries. I initially thought I had to go to Sri Lanka for a visa run, but luckily for me I have 180 days on my visa and not 90 like most foreigners, so for now I don't need to apply for an extension since I renewed it end of December.

I planned to return to Auroville, where I had left some of my belongings as a promise to myself that I’d return, and then head North. Then when things got a bit more intense, I was accepting not returning to Auroville but definitely still thought I’d be heading North. A few of my friends did make it there, but now I’m not sure if it’s worth the risk of being held in Delhi.

The flight got cancelled, not that surprising I guess, and no flights can enter India right now. Even my flight from Goa to Mumbai is canceled. The states are closing. So not only am I stuck in India, but I am specifically stuck in Arambol, Goa.

Arambol is a very special place. It is basically an international community of artists, spiritual seekers, festival goers, full of interesting events and workshops, a place where there is always something really cool happening… I ended up staying here for a longer time than expected, after meeting great people after great people, unable to make myself leave. Now its been almost 2 months… so I feel like this place is home for me now. I can’t walk anywhere without running into friends, and now I live in an apartment with a nice view of nature, a kitchen and beautiful roommates.

I think this is the first time in my travels that I have made this many close friendships in one place. In one way I love it, but in another way it keeps me extremely distracted and chaotic. I have been spending a lot of my energy on socializing and flowing from one thing to the next… not really taking as much space for myself as I normally do.

I am glad to be stuck somewhere that I feel like I have a community, and really I love the people here so much, I have never received so much love from people… This has to be the place in the world with the longest hugs lol. But after 1.5 months here, I was already getting exhausted from being too stimulated with all that goes on here. Too much happening. I was READY to go… Now that this isn’t possible, I need to create a new reality for myself here. I will need to do more meditation and yoga… Prioritize writing and reading rather than socialization… But its hard! I swear the entire time I've been here, I've been thinking that I only have about 1 week or a few days left. False. Once one enters the realm of Arambol, one does not leave. That's without COVID-19.

So now in this beautiful community, the only topic of conversation is this corona virus and what the actual fuck each one of us plans to do... But it's a joke, there is no such thing as a plan! Every day it changes. We must simply live day to day. There is no way of knowing what happens tomorrow.

It’s kind of beautiful actually. I’d really like to get in a space where I just become fully present, but so far the chaos has only been more and more intensified by trying to resist everything, but what needs to be done right now is just surrender and wait. This masculine driven world is being pushed to become more feminine, more yin rather than yang. Rest rather than productivity. Surrendering and flowing rather than trying to control. The planet needs this. The shift is happening...

The way I am seeing it, is that I must simply surrender. Just enjoy my every day life, instead of struggling and stressing trying to leave… I can use this energy to read books and write about all I’ve been wanting to write about… learn the guitar properly… practice yoga and meditation… I have strong belief that I will be taken care of by the universe. I feel its protection.

Most importantly, in this present moment, I am doing very well. Life is good here. Only fear about what "could" happen in the future is making us all anxious. There is no sense in suffering twice. If hard times come, I will face them, but why make myself suffer before the suffering? I don’t know how much longer I will be here, could be weeks, months, or longer... All I know is instead of trying to push back against the universe, I will flow... Besides, it's not such a bad place to be stuck in. :)